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Chickease on Down the Road

It ain’t easy being Chickezie…

And he tried, he really tried, but, at the end of the day, you just can’t be something you’re not. First it was the bulging eyes – remember in the auditions? It was funny – not haha, but strange. But he worked on it. He battled his bulge too. And when he went all southern and fun he had us on our figurative feet. But he couldn’t resist the lure of Luther. The crooner. The balladeer. The snore and a half….

And off he went. A shock? Maybe. But Country Bumpkin Cook is working the ditz. And working it well. The minute she opened her mouth to sing that patriotic crap, you knew she was a shoo-in. For at least another week. It was one of those moments where you wished Idol was truly international. God Bless the USA??? Gag gag gag me. Not that I have anything against the USA – I actually don’t. Not a lot, anyway. Except for those flag-waving, 4th of July-ish ditties. I can’t deal with ’em from any place. I wanted Simon to rip her a new one – or sing Rule Britannia at the very least – but even he liked it.


But my boys did well. Not Stoner Dreads – is it me, or was he really high last night? Did you see him dancing during the opening number? Worth a rewind – hilarious. But I think the goofiness is starting to grate. Just a bit. My faves are the opnes that are almost interchangeable. And yet….not. The Hot One and The Comb Over. Love ’em both. In fact, I don’t even care who goes, as long as it’s not one of those grown-ups. I’ve grown to love the Word Nerd. I hated him at first, but look at him now? Backlash has begun, but not at my house! And yeah, I know the Aussie’s looks are better than his voice…So what?! Unfortunately, I think Earnest Archeletto’s got the gig sewn up. I shudder to think of the song choices in his (and our) future, but it ain’t over ’til it’s over.

And the ladies? Erm, whatever.

So, so long Chickezie. And get yer ear plugs ready – Dolly Parton’s coming to town…


Anonymous said…

don’t diss Dolly – love her!

Simon said don’t underestimate the voting public, but he’s wrong. they totally fell for the patriotic manipulation! I hate how stupid nationalism is!!!! PLease lose her – she even had a flat note and no one said anything!!!! What the???!!!


March 27, 2008   No Comments



I can’t hold out any longer. My need to discuss Idol far outweighs the temptation to wait until the top 10 start dropping like flies. In fact, we’re down to the Top 10 now, so technically, the con is back on and it’s Idol time!!!! Let’s discuss… Come on people – you know there’ve been requests… The persy emails have been flying. The phone calls, endless.

OK, not exactly what you’d call having a life, but Idol fans are Idol fans. And Idol haters are Idol fans too – they just don’t know it yet. Or else won’t admit it – especially if they know who the contestants are. It takes more than a passing glance at People to know who’s who…

So The Nurse is gone. And, in all likelihood, forgotten. Maybe she’ll live the dream and sell out that bar in Lafayette. Doubtful, but maybe. My bet is she’s back on her Hog, hopefully ditching the Morticia Adams’ extensions and waiting for Rockstar’s return.

Meanwhile, we were treated to the new ‘n improved Kelly Pickler. God bless her. She knew how to work her 15 episodes of fame. New hair, new face, new boobs. New life. Being stupid was brilliant. Best. Career. Move. Ever. More than having a parent in prison (Pickler’s Pops). Better than a newborn baby (last year’s Baldy. With the hat.) Even a dying/dead father couldn’t sompete (Asiah…Who? Exactly!) Now the Pickled One’s giving it her all, channeling La Parton and going on tour. And she didn’t even need to change her name!!!! Somehow I can’t see the Nurse having the same luck. Or making it for herself.

Which is a shame, ‘cuz I kinda liked her. I did!! I was pumped to see the back of Kristy Non-descripty. No, pervs, not in that way. I hate a country gal. Sorry, but it’s true. And yet, she survives another week.

I must say, I’m not all that surprised. You know my theory: we need someone to hate to make Idol all the more watchable. Let’s face it, Beatles Week 2 didn’t slay us in the aisles, did it? But when you’ve got a lame duck around threatening the good ‘uns… Hell – that’s good tv!! That’s why VoteForTheWorst.com is necessary – keeps the voters on their toes and f&cks with all of us. Who doesn’t love a bit of outrage – remember Jennifer Hudson? Voted off before her time and look at her now. Or Daughtry, nee Chris Daughtry: early to leave, early to score. I can see that happening with Rocker Dave. Or Irish Carly.

(Aside: Is my mind playng tricks on me, or she morphing into Boy George?Fat Felon version?)

But back to the blonde. The tomboy/horsey one, Kristy Mc-Whatsit. If she sticks around, we’ll be stuck with more country-lite versions of songs we’ll never love again. Par for the course, of course. And, sure, there’ll be the morning-after-the-night-before watercooler convo. And on-line outrage.

But I shall leave you with one last thought. One last thing to make you giggle and hope she does stick around, sticking it to her talented brothers and sisters.

She’s gonna “blow Simon out of his socks”.

Need I say more?


Anonymous said…

All I can think about is that she is going to be on the tour rather than the nurse! How brutal is that tour? She reminds me of the crooning red head – whatever his name was – who was shocked every week when he kept making it through and better people kept leaving. Whitey chick knows she sucks, just like him, which is what makes it worse!!!! I think she’s the girl next-door that everyone wants to corrupt (read screw). Hopefully she’ll end up with a sex tape and everyone’s fantasies can move on and we can be rid of her for good!!!!

9:19 AM

Pia said…

Good for people to know.


March 19, 2008   No Comments


Hey Hey Paula

OK, I know many of you are sick ‘n tired of my Idol rants. But I can’t help it. I just can’t. At least not today. I didn’t pick over the girl on ladies night, did I? Mostly because they kinda sucked. Alexandrea, Asia’h, and Syesha aside. Oh, and the rock’n roll nurse who, while channeling Dilana-I-don’t-wanna obviously wishes she’d gone whole hog for Rockstar SuperINXS when she had the chance. Did you see how uncomfortable she was in the group sing-a-long? Did you blame her?

But I digress….

I want to apologize for those of you sick of this “shizz” (yes that’s a direct quote) and let you know that I will try to hold off further comments ’til the Top 10. T-R-Y. Trouble is, I get so caught up in Idol Fever and my usual sounding board is away… What’s a girl to do but turn to her blog? But this is the last one. For the time being. I hope.

Okay? Can I get on with it now?

So, didya see her? Were you blown away by her? Who, you ask, who?!? Why, the trainwreck that is Paula Abdul of course! No, I’m not talking about her seal claps or lame advice or overall Paula-ness. Not this time. It’s that vid! Her triumphant return to pop! Hideous? Hilarious! I couldn’t get over it. What was she thinking?

Oh, I know – she was thinking about the audience. The millions, held captive and forced into watching a Paula Abdul video. A new one. Bring back the cat. Bring back Arsenio. Bring back the Lakers. But this? Who styled that sucker?? And the wind! What was with the wind? Afterwards Ryan brought out a massive fan! Not a human who loves her-fan, but a thingy with blades going round ‘n round-fan! She laughed like she was in on the joke, but I don’t think she was. And to see Randy playing alongside her…And then Simon and Shortstuff showing up at the end. Crude, rude, I’m not in the mood.

But I did think it was funny…..

Otherwise, show was lame. Garrett Lief Garrett is gone. Who? Exactly. And Chuck ‘n Buck guy too. Should’ve been Luke Perry Luke (Who? Exactly). And the wonky-eyed non-beauty is gone. She looked hotter on her family’s t-shirts, no? What happened? Keep an eye out for her in Playboy. You heard it here first. I was a bit sad to see Joanne the large-and-in-charge beauty queen go. Thought for sure one of the carrie Underwoodettes would’ve left the building…But no such luck.

Anyhoo, the con is on….People with labels, accents, all kinds….Tho’ no convictions yet. And nothing too too trashy. Aside from Paula, that is.

That’s it. ‘Til the top 10. MOAM out.


Hillary Clinton said…

I love your “idol chatter” so don’t listen to those naysayers….keep it up!

2:14 PM

Anonymous said…

Well as the owner of the “shizz” comment I felt a response was necessary. While beautifully written, enough with the idol crap. seriously, anything that continues to place Paula Abdul in the spotlight as opposed to the grocery store she should be working at is a disgrace. Furthermore, the show pulls the very best every trailer park in the square states into the limelight. I mean, how many toothless goobers are going to continue to humiliate themselves year after year!
However, you know I love you MOAM.


February 22, 2008   No Comments


Androgyny Idol

The writers are back. The Oscars are a-go-go. And American Idol has gone….Androg?! What?

I know it’s been on for a couple of weeks now. And yes, I watch it and love it with or without writers striking. I cried for that poor girl who lost her dad and auditioned two days later. Come to think of it, it is a bit weird but hey, that’s TV. And that poor boy who lived in his car? The Leo DiCaprio lookalike? He was ever so Christopher McCandless, but striking out for the wilds of Hollywood instead of Alaska. Devastated when he didn’t make it. But there’s always next year. And that guy from the town of 220? The one whose mom wanted a homecoming queen, but just got…the queen? What happened to him? I’ll be looking for both boys in Season 8.

But let’s discuss the boys of Season 7. Mostly forgettable, to be sure. But so many ladyboys! And so many girlymen. I’m not just talking sexual orientation. I’m talking s/he. I’m sorry, but Danny Noriega would make for a stunning woman. And tho’ he channeled Jonathan Rhys Meyers rather than Elvis last night, I loved him. He’s got my vote.

As does the Youngster. David Thingy. Usually they get some young dude who blows (not in a good way). But this time, the 16-year old of the week (or did he say he turned 17?) was unf&ckingbelievable. He has my vote too.

As does Dreads Travolta, the stoner of the group. Did anyone else notice how, despite the crazy locks and the hippy vibe, the guy is a shoo in for our beloved Danny Zuko? Who wouldn’t vote for that? I would.

And finally, my fave, Michael Johns. Or is it John Michaels? Y’know, the last guy. The Man. The only one of the lot who ooooooooozed it. Love love love him. As a tv crush only of course. And maybe because he looks like my favourite hockey card, the almost-has-been, Darcy Tucker. (Long live #16! Long live no trade clauses!)

But my guy Si was right on the money, all night long. The Manly Man from Oz has “it”. It = sex. There were the guys who radiated Christian country and/or 50’s whitey pop groups. Or some wholesome combo. And the indistinguishable boy band graduates, nary a T-lake among ’em. Or that horrible Axel Rose wannabee. Who wears a bandana that screams “botox me?” Seriously, didn’t that strange design look like eyeborws that needed lifting, or at the very least, plucking? Eeeeew, I nealry forgot about that other faux-rocker with the terrible comb-over. And don’t get me started on that theatrical Chuck ‘n Buck fellow. Gross.

Oh Idol….I’m so glad you’re back. Bring on the androg, the youngster, the dreads. And of course, the hottie. They’ve all got my vote. Too bad it doesn’t count.

Oh wait! I almost forgot to mention Chickezie Jacuzzi. He of the orange suit and lovely demeanor. He’s sweet. he can sing. But does he have what it takes to be remembered? I thought so last night, but obviously in the cold light of day he falls a little short….

Last year, the ladies kicked butt – Be Bop Blake notwithstanding. And tonight, it’s Ladies’ night. Show ’em girls. I dare you….


Anonymous said…

The fact that you can reference Danny Zuko and Darcy Tucker in one entry both awes and frightens me.


February 20, 2008   No Comments


Great Leap Forward

Before I had kids, I vowed I’d never let them watch tv. Until they were old enough to appreciate it, that is.

TV=bad. TV=fat. TV=ADD.

Until I had a baby. And then another one. Suddenly, there was a new god in town, a new kind of salvation. We called it the television. No, not just because I was home with my pvr every night. No, the tube was a godsend. A babysitter. A drug.

Need a break? TV. A rest? TV. A potential punishment? No TV.

And just when we’d finally got a handle on the TV situation, my older son asked me for a Game Cube.

A game cube? Huh? He’s 4. he barely knows his own address. What does he know from Game Cubes?

No, no, no.

Video games=bad. Video games=fat. Video games=ADD.

Until my boys were old enough, there was no way I was going to succumb.

Erm, until I did.

No, we don’t have a Game Cube. Yet.

We got a Leappad. It was a gift, and I was able to justify it. My neices loved their Leappads when they were little and look how clever and well-behaved they are. Besides, it’s basically reading. But with a stylus. And sounds. So my son was hooked. It’s essentially an interactive book, not a dreaded video game. No harm done.

And then we got a LeapFrog Word Launch. I stared at my husband in terror: A VIDEO GAME. He rubbed his hands with glee. He is, after all, a computer geek and all-round tech-whore.

He ripped open the package and the world as I knew ended. the Word Launch launched us into the video age. Imagine the sheer joy of a kid as he learns this wasn’t just TV, wasn’t just a toy – this was a toy you played on the TV. A real, live video game.

The first day we plugged it in, I fumed. I stamped my feet. I was disgusted – with myself, my husband and of course my kids. It was the end of the innocence. So long 4-year old, hello rated-T-for-teen. It was probably a matter of months before he slunk off to the mall, pants below his crack. God help us all.

But then a funny thing happened – and by funny, I mean funny for us: we plugged the thing in and it asked us….I mean, my son…to spell a word. And the word was “hump”. For those who know my boy, they know he’ll stop, drop and roll on dime. Humping is his thang. Always has been. (Apparently normal…) So to learn to spell it was a highlight for him. And the fact that the first word was, ahem, hump, was a highlight for me.

And then, get this – the next word was “dump”. I SWEAR! Who needs primetime when we’ve got this? Fun for the whole family! Granted, the words that followed were less thrilling – for us – but I noticed a little something. My son wanted to spell. Not that he knew it. Poor soul thought he was rebelling with his video game. Sure we had some fun spelling out dirty words – look, if given the choice, it’s hard to resist. But for the most part, it was good, clean fun. And now the guy was coming home from school wanting to word launch! Who could argue with that? No annoying characters or songs (Diego tunes aside, o’course), no muss, no fuss, no guns. This game rocked.

And despite all media evidence to the contrary, he’s learning a lot. And listening. And being, well, a good boy. Especially now that I have another “privilege” to dangle over his head.

Thank you, Leap Frog…

Imagine the harmonious house I’ll have when he asks for a Wii!


Anonymous said…

good one – you are funny. I howled outloud. You don’thave to publsih this – just a comment.

2:50 PM

Anonymous said…

guess who programmed those words in… your “all around tech whore”.. next words are “snot” and “poo”

10:44 AM

Anonymous said…

LOVE your blog, and will be back time and time again.



November 27, 2007   No Comments


Blabber Chat

Boy yoy yoing…it has been ages. Sorry children. Been a wee bit preoccupied. Where to begin?Let’s start with some idle….I mean Idol talk.

The telethon – a good cause, natch, but oh so earny earnesto, no? Celebs lipsynching to the Bee Gees? Why, oh why? (foreshadowing, perhaps?) All funny men were funny, but Teri Snatcher? When will America speak and send her back to the c-list? Still, all the power to them, getting spoosrs and regular joes to pay up…and then taking all the credit Idol Gives Back? Erm, no, Idol watchers give back. Idol gave nothing. Only Ellen did. Those Idol folks really are media geniuses.

Loved Blake’s Jon Bon perf. L-o-v-e-d it. With his new ‘do he looks like Bono. Intense stare, pas de lips… Don’t get me wrong, sportsfans, he’s no Bono. But I think he’s awesome and hope he wins the whole damn thing. Read it closely – don’t think he will win, but am living in hope. Last week we said adios to Nasal Beckham Timberlake and, dare I say it, Cancer Boy Phil. (Reference should be obvo, but if it isn’t, don’t fret. It’s not cuz he has cancer, just looks like it.) So now it’s The Ladies v. Blake. And guess what next week is? DISCO. With the king of the tight white pantaloons, Mr Guilty himself, Baz Gibb…..Moment for the Brothers no longer with us. And Andy….And back to the show: Woo hoo! Can’t wait for it!

On other MOAM news, we’re no longer all about the shits at our house. Not as much as before, anyway… #1 son has made it to the toilet. That’s the good news. The bad news? We’ve had, erm, toilet traffic jams. We’re talking grid lock. Stand stills. So now we really need to move house. Who wants to share with a 3 year old who can’t wipe his own ass? Pas moi.

Gee, what a great lead in….

We are moving house! Yes, the real estate gods have been kind to us. We found our dream-for-now home – and only had two other bidders to contend with. Talk about tense. In the end, an acknowledgement of The Princess Bride won us the house…Oh, Wesley… More space, more rooms, more toilets. More house. Now we have to fluff our own.

Tell me, movers, does everyone fluff? Or just purge? Do you stay in you house or hit the road? Once the crap’s out, how do you let it back in? Or do you just start accumulating all over again? Inquiry minds wanna know. And I need to know. I won’t be a moving maven until later this summer, so let’s discuss.

Since I plan on turning from gossip rags to decor mags I’ll share some cheesy-in-a-good-way sites: www.dlisted.com, idontlikeyouinthatway.com, and of course Perez, Lainey and TMZ. Such good wastes of time and will save you big bucks on mags. Unless you double dip paper and web.

Wondering where I’m going with all this? Me too.

Erm….nowhere. Fast.

But the tribe has spoken and I had to give ’em something, so a little ramble should satisfy. For now. When the head’s elsewhere, the typing fingers follow. I’ll be back – on better form for-sure-cross-my-heart – next week. Or the week after. Stay tuned….


May 4, 2007   No Comments


Out! Damn Blog Spot

I have been trying to blog for weeks. WEEKS!

About house hunting and toilet training and, of course, American Idol. Not the hopefuls but the guests: Diana Ross as Oprah! Who knew? Lulu as Olivia Newton John! Why? And that Noone fellow… creepy or what? That cringe-worthy dancing!!! Very pedophile-y.

But instead of going on about the Vanjina scandal (He’s a herm! He’s a girl! It’s all fixed!) or singing (ahem) the praises of my fave, Blake such a talent! Such good choices! When did he become attractive?!), I’ve been forced to sit back and wait. Wait until all these subjects, and more, fade out of the collective consciousness. Or at least mine. ‘Til tomorrow.

But I digress….

Which is the point.

Why the long wait, you ask? Why indeed!

Bloody blogspot, that’s why. Wouldn’t open one day. Wouldn’t let me blog the next. And, worst of all, wouldn’t let me publish AFTER I’d written, ranted and raved.

Melinda vs. Kiki? Check. Merits of boys being able to pee outside? (Little boys, not grown men) Check. Understanding your real estate competition? Check, check,check. I’ll give you a tip: the folks with the Prada shoes and shiny BMW will outbid you. Doesn’t matter how optimistic you are. They just will.

But alas, ’twasn’t to be. None of it. Maybe that’s why blogs are becoming so passe. Not only are you, dear readers, getting sick of certain voices (hopefully not mine – is work that busy?!), but no news is, well, no news.There’s nothin coming. Not on my computer(s) anyway.

So for those who’ve asked, and yes, there’ve been a few, thank you very much, that’s where I’ve been. Cursing blogger, yelling at my computer. And now, now that I’ve FINALLY managed to open, write, and hopefully post, what do I have to say for myself? Ermmm.

A whole lotta nothin’. That’s what.

Blogging. You gotta love it….


Kerry said…

I am so glad to hear I wasn’t the only one wondering where you were!! And by the way.. in my new experiences of house hunting in Toronto… I agree. Where are the days of offering 10k LESS than the offering price? What is with this “offer 20k MORE and hope for the best…”??????? Why dont people just ask what they want? Geez.


March 26, 2007   No Comments


Old News

Oscar who?

The fat lady has sung. And won awards for it. But once the Academy has strutted its stuff, once we’ve seen the outfits, the frozen faces, the sore losers, the passed over , what’s really left to discuss? Ellen? Not bad, not bad at all. Was I rolling in the aisles? Um, no. ut Jack Black and Will Farrell and John C Reilly were hilarious. Maybe they should host next year. Really, they should. All musical comedy, all night long. Oh, wait, that was Billy Crystal. Admittedly, I miss those songs….

So why write now, you ask? Well, simply put: because you asked. I’ve received more than a few emails wondering where the Oscar talk was. I figured everyone and his brother and her mother-in-law are blogging about Oscar. Or were. What’s done, is done. But I’m a bit of a crowd pelaser, so hear I am, BOD. Blogging on Demand.

And since you asked…

Does anyone else think that Jerry Seinfeld was there to subtely pitch himself as next year’s host? His new Bee Movie aside, what’s he done for us lately?

La Kidman. Oh, Nic, what have you done with yourself? Turned from Batman heroine to the Joker. And Mr Freeze. That face! Once so gorgeous, now so….still. She’s always been like a statue – but now her face is too. And not in a good way. According to one of my gossip hound friends, she’s being written up as being 35. 35!!!!! She’ll be 40 this year. Or at least 39. A fellow gemini, I like to keep track. Obviously she does not.

Murphy’s Law. Bird in hand. Calll it what you want, but Eddie’s loss was the scoop of the night. And no one was more surprised than the man himself, who promptly left. Grow up, Edward!

JHu should take a leaf out of JLo’s book and learn how to do the red carpet. The latter, always perfect. The former, I know she’s a newcomer but come on! My mom always told me, never put your hands in your pockets. Someone should’ve told Jen H. Fact is, when you’ve been generously endowed in certain areas, you either accentuate the positive (Ms. Lopez), or you hide it. Drape it. Skim over. You don’t thrust your hands into your fancy shmancy dress. On the red carpet. Or anywhere. It’s simply not a good look. From skimming to straining in a matter of seconds.

That’s about all, sportsfans. While the list goes on, I shalll not. Unless, of course, you’d like to discuss Idol. I figured I’d wait ’til the top 12 are chosen, considering these ealry exiters will be promptly forgotten. They’re the best of the worst, after all, chosen to put – and keep – the real talents in teh spotlights. But let’s let them enjoy their moments in the spotlight, brief as it may be.

Oh, before I leave you….dedicating Let’s Get it On to your parents? That ain’t right.

Go Beat Boxer! Go JT Beckham!



Anonymous said…


11:13 AM

Anonymous said…

It was Kidman’s lips that threw me! She did have very thin ones, but come on – she’s turning into Barbara Hershey. I predict that all this work is going to screw up her career. I feel bad for these women who are evaluated on their looks and then starve themselves or get surgery to keep up appearances and boom, we drop them for being crazy! And yes, I think she is.

12:36 PM

Anonymous said…

Oh, MOAM– your Oscar talk is right on– though Jerry seemed sorta… mean… like he was slumming or something. Don’t forget Jerry, you’re a TV STAR– you may have more money than the front row combined, but c’mon– lighten up. No surprises– except for Alan Arkin– what a great speech. And did anyone notice that because they’re so strict with the time limits on speeches that EVERYONE had there’s written down? No “you like me, you really like me” moments anymore. No one-handed pushups. No spontaneity at all. And the show still ran late! Maybe it was because of the shadow puppets? Also, the nominees are already there– we want our celeb fix– no nominees as presenters! Pad the show! Used to be the co-stars of upcoming movies would get out there– Queen L and John T weren’t even allowed to mention “Hairspray” by name– even though they played them on with music from the upcoming movie! And if you’re gonna trot on Hollywood royalty to give away the Best Picture Oscar– make sure it’s someone in a wheelchair! Was Kirk Douglas unavailable?


February 28, 2007   No Comments


Simon Says

Idol Fever. It’s back. And it’s bad.

In a good way.

Auditions are over, so all the saps out there don’t have to worry about Simon being too “mean”. Waah waah, cry me a river. If some sad soul is that desperate to get on tv -and honestly, how else can you explain some of these deluded freak shows – then you’re fair game for Simon’s wrath. Afterall, that’s why they pay him the big bucks right? And that’s why we all tune in.

Hollywood week? Done. Cloying and cheesy to be sure as they group together and doo-wop their hearts out. But it’s only a 2-day affair (for us). And it’s kinda funny to watch them freak out. And they whittle ’em down so fast it keeps you (me) glued. Good tv.

But that’s all the preamble. The real fun starts now: The Top 24. 12 boys, 12 girls. Let the voting begin. My fellow idolheads and I have already discussed our faves. Not an easy task when half these cats are utterly unmemorable – but I suppose someone’s gotta be the first to go, right?

My personal faves? Well, since you asked…

The Backups. I like the Minnie-Mouse girl backup. But I love the Hot Boy backup even more: gorgeous voice, gorgeous face – one to watch in every sense of the word.

The Innocent. You know, the one whose sister didn’t make it? The Michael Jackson/Young Mick Jagger combo? Once he gets a smidgen of confidence, I think he’ll really shine. Let’s hope he’s the young girl/granny choice this season, and not some annoying boy-band wannabe. Chicken Little anyone? Or tracheotomy guy? I shudder thinking about them. Go Sanjaya, go!

The Mean Girl who isn’t. Annamaria? Anastasia? Antonella! She’s The Hot Chick of the group and it seems folks thinks she’s nasty. She’s not. Yet. Her friend was, but she’s been booted. Justice. Get ready for her makeover….re-ow.

The Justin Timberlake Guy. Where’d he come from? No one really knows. But he’s JT’s doppelganger. Voice, moves, ‘do…Question is: will that help or hinder?

Lakisha. The single mom with the crazy pipes. Even the judges got a little welly over her. I love her. Love her!!! Hell, who doesn’t?

Curly Sue. How long will it take her tresses to be ironed? I’m guessing within 2 weeks. She’s quite appealing, with a great voice….but a face for radio. Could be a problem for her.

Jack Osborne Guy. The funny guy. With the funny hair. And a very serious voice. Awesome.

The Guy Who Missed His Daughter’s Birth. Hat’s off to him. No, really, hat’s off. I quite like his voice and think he’ll grow on us as the season goes. If he ditches his toque. If he’s, ahem, receeding, then shave ‘er down and face the music. Just lose the lid.

Sundance Head. With a name like that, who needs another? A bit of a Lucifer look-alike, he’s the booming voice of the gang.

Crying Blond. She’s cute. She’s keen. She cries. America willl love her.

And the best of the rest?

Hmmm. There are some terrific singers whose faces escape me. And a couple of what-were-they-thinkings. And that incredibly annoying chick with the red streak in her hair. And the guy who wipes his eyebrows and calls it dancing. Oh – and the Beat Box guy!!! I forgot about the beat box guy. How cool is he? But can he sing?

I can barely sit still as I await next week’s show. Or make that shows. This ratings juggernaut will be on every Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday for the next few weeks. If the sheer entertainment vaue wasn’t reason enough to tune in, surely the broadcast schedule is. AI is taking over, so why hold out?

Play your pools, and place your bets. All aboard. The Idol train is leaving the station. Will you be on it? Will you have any other choice??


February 15, 2007   No Comments


Oscar Talk

It’s official. The biggest lunchbag letdown in showbiz has announced its contenders. Who’s the little gold guy gonna go home with? And does anybody still care?

Yep, it’s Oscar time. So wake me when it’s over.

The Academy Awards has lost its spark. Not that this is news to anyone, but it’s sort of sad nonetheless. Will I still tune in? OF COURSE! But I’ll be bracing myself for the inevitable disappointment. Not because of the cheesy song ‘n dance numbers. And not because of the overall earnestness. And definitely not because of the below-the-line-people’s speeches. In fact, I kinda like those – especially when they thank their families and dead relatives. Those speeches, the death montage and all the tear-jerking sucky stuff I kinda dig.

No, the real reason for the letdown is because every other major award has already been given out, so there really are no surprises. DGA’s, PGA’s, SAG’s. Every critic and their circles. And of course the Golden Globes. It’s like unofficial insider trading to determine who will win the official Oscar race. In fact, nowadays the only way to win an Oscar pool is to correctly guess the short film and documentary categories. For everything else, the work is done.

Still, it’s exciting to hear about Dreamgirls. The most nominations of all. Sure they missed the biggies, but let’s face it, it’s all about Effie. Always has been, always will be. No wonder audiences burst into spontaneous applause when Jenny Hudson belts it out. She’s spectacular. So much so that when asked “Have you seen Dreamgirls?” the only possible answer I could give is “how many times?” (OK, that’s a bit of a spice. Despite my best intentions to go again and again and again, I’ve still seen it but once. But hey, I have the cd – movie and play – in the car. It’s the next best thing to being there. What? There’s lots of flicks out there. Who has time for traders?!)

Looks like Marty Scorcese will finally get his Oscar. Not because The Departed is his best work, but because his time has come. And gone. And come again. And gone. And come again. The Academy loves doing that. Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman, anyone? I liked The Departed and I LOVED Marky Mark in it. But best picture? By the end the entire theatre was laughing – out loud laughing – as the body count rose.

Best Actor race has Mr Whitaker’s name all over it. Haven’t seen Last King O’ Scotland. And I don’t really want to. Maybe because I read the book years ago. For work. Back when I used to work. And I passed on it. Didn’t think it was a movie. Oops. But he seems like a nice enough fellow, and that droopy eye always gets me, so Go Forest, Go.

Yes, I know it’s Helen Mirren’s year, but if I had a vote, and if it counted, it would be for Dame Judi. Always. Personally, I think Ms Mirren is a TV actress. An awesome TV actress, but I never can get past Prime Suspect. I also think The Queen is a TV movie. A very good TV movie, but a TV movie all the same.

But what do I know?

I know that Little Miss Sunshine was fantastic. And that Sasha Baron Cohen was robbed (robbed!). And the saying “yah man” in a South African accent is enough to score a person an Oscar nom. And that Ellen is hosting. I also know that I’m rooting for Babel – in every category. (Even the best supporting actress ones that it so deserves but will never get. Don’t tell). And I know that no matter how you slice it, the best song demos always bite. Big time.

Oh who am I kidding? It’s the Oscars….and it’s all about the outfits!

Posted by Mother of all Mavens at 2:24 PM


Anonymous said…

Kelly from the Bad News Bears was nominated!!! I can’t even deal with looking at him he freaked me out so heavily. I can’t decid if it will be Marky Mark or Alan Arkin as they both stole the movie – what do you think? I know everyone says Eddie, but will oscar? And as much as I love Kate Winslet – whatever on the nom. And Will Smith instead of Sacha Baron Cohen in his sickly sweet movie !!! What’s up with taht?

8:05 PM

Anonymous said…

who are you kidding. you’re already stocking up on peppermint patties.

9:28 PM

Anonymous said…

How can you do an entire post about the Oscars and not mention the biggest and best surprise of the entire awards season put together???????? Ryan Gosling (the most underrated actor EVER) was nominated!! Finally!

And puh-leez, enough about Jennifer Hudson. PLEASE, I don’t want to hear her say “it’s just more than i ever could have dreamt, I always dreamed but never this big, blah, blah, blah” anymore…WE KNOW. You are just sooooo humble and so innocent..whatever.

So long as Ryan shows up.

(OK, I feel better now).

10:44 AM

Anonymous said…

Oh MOAM– Babel this! You’re obsessed. And of the noms, it’s certainly the most desrving. And I agree– The Queen? TV-movie all the way. I saw it again, on a plane, and it was a perfect fit. Little Miss Sunshine? What-ev. There’s always an indie that everyone has to get behind because it doesn’t suck as hard as the other indies we go see hoping that the indie is still thriving. Let’s get real– there are very few indies that are actually still indies and because Little Miss S (in a mini-dress) crossed over, it’s everyone’s Little Darling (now there’s a movie ripe for re-make– though I think Dakota– now that she’s ‘growing up’ has likely optioned it– maybe she can do it with Abigail Breslin in the Kristy McNichol part). But speaking of ‘crossing over’ — and to quote… “he feels the Dreams can cross over…” Obviously not. What up with that? Has Oscar fallen out of love with the musical? Dreamgirls is way better than Chicago. Could it be that Hollywood ignored this because of the African American cast? The gay director? The fact that it’s well-written, well-shot, well-edited, well-lit, well-costuned, and well… well-everything. And this is not just because I am an admitted DG-head. Even if it didn’t get the Best Pic nom– Best Director– hello? Do the voters think J-Hud arrived on-screen fully formed? So what makes me happy– Ryan Gosling was excellent, Marky Mark was excellent, I didn’t see Little Children but you gotta love a comeback story. The real oversight: Children of Men NOT in the Best Picture & Best Director category. If anything’s gonna bump the Dreams– it should’ve been this! Looking forward to the medley of the 3 nominated songs though. It’ll be so sad when they lose to Prince. Who come to think of it would’ve made a great James Thunder Early!

12:30 PM

Anonymous said…

okay– so Prince wasn’t nominated– even after wining the Globe. Make way for Randy– and I mean: make WAY. Are they gonna go all cancer-pity and give it Missy Etheridge? Come to my window– and jump out of it!


January 23, 2007   No Comments