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NOVEMBER SWEEPS

It’s been a while, I know, I know. It feels like I’ve been scrambling, trying to catch up. On my work. On my life. On my TV… And now that we’re well into the fall season I can safely ask: what are you watching?

Chez nous, I have to admit it’s taken this long for most of the newbies to stick. My man is (re)discovering the joys of Larry David, while I continue to channel my 16-year-old self with 90210. I’m still (somehow) getting in sucked in by Grey’s Anatomy, and getting scared shitless by Dexter. This season’s religious tableaux are freaking me out! And, is it me, or are Dexter and his ex-sisterwife never shot side by side? Think about it….Blue Bloods has become our go-to procedural, even though we recognize that it’s far from fabulous. But it’s Magnum all grown up so despite all the cheesy family bits I can’t delete him from our list. We’re waiting for 30 Rock, but Modern Family is still rocking our box. Sure, it started off a bit, um, off. But the repeat of the Halloween ep slayed me. Again. And then last week’s Cam-as-Straight-Guy? Hit it out of the park… As did Asian F Glee from several ballgames back: Dreamgirls, West Side AND Fame? Oh my!

But what of the newcomers? Let’s flip through, shall we?

X FACTOR: Yup, I’m in. Hook, line and s(t)inker. While some families have Games Nights, we have Simon Cowell Singing Competition Nights. From Idol to X Factor and back again, we can’t get enough! Am loving to hate it, and hating that I love it but what can I do? I’m watching for my children. Ish.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: This is the creepiest, trippiest show around. I’m not one for horror but this comes from the boys behind Nip/Tuck and Glee so I had to check it out. And now I can only watch it with my guy. S-s-s-s-scary!! Freaky neighbours, graphic murders and…um…rubber man?! YIKES!

UP ALL NIGHT: I didn’t want to like this show. Mostly out of jealousy (I’m an under-employed screenwriter/overworked mother, remember?!) But guess what? It works! Lorne Michaels-produces, and it stars lotsa funny folks (Will Arnett!!). Sure, it has its earnest moments (hello? It’s a show about new parents). But the laughs far outweigh the cringes. So far.

PRIME SUSPECT: Sorry, Maria Bello, but you’re no Helen Mirren. I was a major fan of the original Jane Tennison and so am trying to get into the Jane…um…Timoney version. Not as gripping as the orig, but not bad. It’s being PVR’d so it’s on… on probation.

What about all the shows I’m missing??

New: Enlightened / Boss / Homeland?
Used: Boardwalk Emp / Bored to Death / Good Wife?

Do tell – there’s plenty of room left on our PVR list and I’d love to fill ‘er up. And not with New Girl, Two Broke Girls or Stewardess Girl (PanAm). Tried. They all failed. What else is on?

Finally – for all you Summer Heights High lovers, get ready: “Angry Boys” is coming! “Angry Boys” is coming!

Eventually…..

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November 6, 2011   No Comments

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TV TIMES

Bye bye film fest. And hellooooo TV (PVR) Old, new, good, poo….There’s all sorts for all sorts during Premiere Week. Here’s a rundown on everything worth watching (and missing):

BOARDWALK EMPIRE: I’m in. So far. Feels like this has lots of potential. Lots of set-up, but am intrigued. I know everyone loves Steve Buscemi….I love Kelly MacDonald.

THE EVENT: Aliens? Mutants? Conspiracies? What the?!? I kinda liked the pilot. Nothing was as it seemed, it had that “24”-esque font/timeline thing, and it was all just so….trippy!! Trouble is, the ads are backfiring and making me NOT want to watch it. So pushy with the faux water-cooler intrigue talk. But I’ll give it a second chance.

GLEE: Great self-mocking doc at the start, good songs (A Chorus Line anytime) and – Coach Beiste! Not as perfect as its hype suggests, but with voices like these, who needs interesting story-lines and proper character development? Even when it’s bad, Glee is good. Besides, so many fancy guest stars can’t be wrong: Gwyneth! Javier Bardem! Carole Burnett! Erm…Brittney….

RUNNING WILDE: I tried, I really tried. But the visual of the neighbour on the mini horse aside, there wasn’t a lot to laugh at – or with – on this one. Will Arnett is a fave of mine, and I was looking forward to this show with the whole Arrested Development connection, but my smiles were forced. I’d like to blame it on opening night jitters, and might give it one mroe shot. Or not.

MODERN FAMILY: Now THAT’s funny. This show has me howling (and over-identifying) week after week. Even with repeats! This week was no exception. I know it can be a bit soft, but so what? Between Phil, Cam & Manny I dare you not to laugh. Out loud. Every time.

COUGAR TOWN: I tried watching last year. And hated it. I tried watching this year. And hated it.

30 ROCK – Again, fancy guest stars (Matt Damon!!!), clever writing, Alec Baldwin. LOVE. No catch ups required.

BLUE BLOODS – Friday night is a bit of a TV dead zone. But I had to pvr this one to see if Magnum’s still got it. Yep, Tom Selleck is baaaaack. Thought this was gonna be a family-style Law & Order (not in a good way) but the little plot twist near the end gave me something to think about. Will give it another shot. Or two.

90210 – Yes, I watch it. When my Man isn’t home.

GREY’S ANATOMY – ditto. They always grab you with their edge-of-your-seat endings (It’s George!) (Seattle Grace shooting spree!). And that’s it. Trouble is I’ve been watching since day one and I can’t tune out now! Especially since it’s the last season. OK, I made that up. But it should be.

DEXTER – Oooooh Dexter. Talk about endings!!!!! Again, no spoilers allowed for those watching on snail tv. Let’s just say I am thrilled to be rid of a certain simpering someone. This series, like its star (my new boyfriend), is aging well. Can they top last year’s John Lithgow-as-Trinity season? Am excited to find out…

Since I couldn’t possibly watch EVERYTHING (tho’ lord knows, I’ve tried – a girl’s gotta have a life, right?) I’ve brought my pal The TV Addict for some TV talk. He’s “an avowed TV-head, and what’s more, I’m old-school. Deep down, I still don’t think Fox is a network. Certainly not the CW (sorry Gossip Girl fans!). So I hold out hope for the new TV season each year….” He could go on and on and on. And does. And will. Right here, right now:

“…Right with you on B-Emp, ModFam, Glee, The Event (welcome back Carrie from ER, sans crutches!) and the Dexter. Sure, I’ll miss Trinity. But maybe Julia Stiles will finally live up to the hype that heralded her arrival so many years ago. And if you don’t think about the fact that in real life Dexter is banging his TV-sister, well, now you will. Sorry.

But wait, Tommy, there’s more at the door:

THE GOOD WIFE – of course this is CBS. It’s a good solid grown up show. Everyone needs one of those, otherwise what do we talk to our mothers about when the conversation grows thin? Welcome back Carol from ER, for season 2!

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES – Yes, it’s still on. No, it’s not as good now that Paige is gone (for you non-Knots’ers, that’s Nicolette Sheridan). Yes, Vanessa Williams is joining the cast. No, Felicity Huffman inexplicably has not left the show. Yes, it still makes me laugh at least once per episode.

THE WHOLE TRUTH – Welcome back Abby from ER, sans hair. We’ll be sorry to see you go. My verdict: Guilty. Of bad writing.

S**T MY DAD SAYS – Just stop after the first word in the title. Apologies, Denny Crane.

RAISING HOPE – This one actually did what the title promised. Quirky characters, with a My Name is Earl feel. And the eerily un-aged Martha Plimpton. Who somewhere along the way found her sense of humour. I clicked ‘all episodes’ for now.

HAWAII FIVE-O – The theme song! Jin from Lost! Boomer from Battlestar! (all those who scoff or question the Battlestar: Summer assignment: Rent the season and scoff no more). James Caan’s son! And a Jean Smart cameo! Oh, and the lead guy. There was action, witty repartee, beach bods, and the promise of digestible weekly episodes that don’t force you to think. It even had the jokey final scene where the main characters reflect and bond. Booked ’em on my PVR.

UNDERCOVERS – Haven’t watched it yet. In my head I’ve been calling it Blart to Blart. It’s got potential, and pretty people.

LONE STAR – Oh yes. The rich oil family infiltrated by the con-man son-in-law, trying to make things right with the small-town girlfriend and the neighbours he hustled before he decided to shift the grift. Jon Voigt as the oil baron patriarch is just as scary as he was on 24. This one is layered, seems smart, and has me coming back for more.

Still to come… NO ORDINARY FAMILY. I liked this when it was animated and called The Incredibles. I will not commish. (Cuz it stars Michael Chiklis from The Shield, who used to star on the Commish)

You missed it… HOT IN CLEVELAND. Jumping on the Betty bandwagon, this very old school sitcom starring the still-cute Valerie Bertinelli, the still-annoying Jane Leeves and the still “oh her” Wendie Malick was Golden Girls lite. Without the bite. Not so “hot”.

Now get those PVRs a-whirring. Don’t get back-logged because In Treatment, Big Love and Breaking Bad are coming back soon!”

PVR users: don’t forget “on this channel, anytime, any day”. No one likes to be cut off…

September 27, 2010   No Comments

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Glee vs The Volcano

It’s the 20th of April. Tuesday. For the past 3 months I’ve been dreaming of this night. The night I’d spend on an Air Canada Airbus, flying across the Atlantic in my business class seat – nay, fully reclining bed. In a pod. With a privacy screen. Sure, I’d arrive jetlagged and spent – after all who wants to waste a business class flight SLEEPING?! I’d be staying up to enjoy every second of it.

But ’twas not to be.

Bloody Ash. Stooooopid Icelandic volcano. My story’s not a bad one. I canceled my flight a day in advance and re-booked for a couple of weeks from now. I’m not stranded, in transit or missing anything or anyone. I’m just staying put. At home. Constantly checking the status of the various flights to Heathrow because I’ve become addicted to British Airport Authority updates and all things Eyjafjallajokul (and yeah I had to cut ‘n paste that one). I’m also watching the neighbouring volcano, Katla, the one that could really f&ck us all up.

It’s all so “Day After Tomorrow”, no?

I tried to put on a happy face. Until I took a shower and the pipes two floors down exploded. That’s right readers, it’s the plumbing. Again. No running water, no flushing, five people.

A far cry from business class.

But there’s a glimmer of hope on the horizon as the 5 grand dig begins. And there was happiness in the air tonight, not just sewage.

Because of Glee.

Everyone watches Glee, right?

RIGHT?!?

If you’re not. You should be. And you should start with tonight’s Madonna Tribute episode. Yep, all Madge, all the time. The results? As Kurt says: Madge-ical.

Cheesy, yes. Absolutely, unapologetically and resoundingly so. And that’s what makes Glee work. Musicals + one hour TV does not a perfect partner make. And to be honest, I was getting nervous about Glee. It started with a bang, totally remaking – and rejuvenating – network television. And Journey. “Don’t Stop Believin’?” Never liked it the first time round, but love it all Glee’d up.

As the shows went on, they had their highs (Kurt’s “Single Ladies”) and lows (most of Emma’s numbers). But I was getting nervous. It felt like the writers were pulling out the wrecking ball….and focusing on the adults. Sure “Acafellas” is a funny name for a group, but I’m not so big into Will Schuester. His fake-pregnant, soon-to-be-ex-wife? Yes yes yes. His romance with the bush baby Emma? Only as the B-story. Keep it with the kids.

But I needed Glee tonight. Early Glee. I needed to know that, stuck at home with backed up toilets, I could count on television to take me away….

And tonight, thanks to Sue Sylvester, it did. Fact is, Jane Lynch could stand stock still and have everybody howling. She’s a master of comic timing and delivery but lately even she, well, her rivalry with Will, was starting to grate …. Until tonight.

Tonight was Sue’s night. Her obsession/tribute to Madonna could’ve been a trainwreck. But it was glorious. She was glorious. Made me (almost) forget about the men I was paying to dig up my front yard tomorrow morning. Even my pvr cutting out (AGAIN) with 5 minutes to go couldn’t put a damper on Glee tonight.

Perhaps it’s becasue I was at the end of my rope. Or, more likely, because it was coming off yet another dreary American Idol. “Songs of Inspiration”?! Puh-lease. Songs to sleep by. Or cringe. Call me a cynical bitch but I thought Mamasox’s breakdown was as contrived as….well, the show itself. I didn’t see any tears. I think she was working it. And it worked. Maybe I’m just over it. Between the youngster and the grinner and the all-round earnestness there’s just not much more left to say other than: it blows. You can read all about it on all the other blogs/mags/sites. Bye bye Simon. Tick tock Idol. Hello Glee!

Just when I feared it had prematurely run its course, Glee sucked me back in. Welcome back! My name is MOAM. And, yeah, I’m grounded by Icelandic ash. And practically living in a campground without the luxury of an outhouse. But I’ll say it loud: I’m a Gleek and I’m proud.

For now. The winds could change…..

Posted by Mother of all Mavens at 10:21 PM

3 comments:

Anonymous said…

ANOTHER BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BLOG..
YOU NEVER EVER KNOW WHEN ONE OF THESE DAYS OR SHOULD I SAY BLOGS WILL HIT THE PAPERS.
YOU ARE THE BEST BEST EVER

11:43 PM

Anonymous said…

your ends are fab! Don’t tell m ethe PVR cuts out again!!! Why do they do this? We shoudl start a petition and send it around and then to the networks to stop screwing with our recording!!!

9:19 AM

Leslie said…

Could NOT agree more, my friend! You are hilarious. What? No flushing? I would cry, and cry hard. You’re my hero.
Glee lost me, as you said, focusing on the dumb-dumb adults, and frankly rarely seeing Sue Sylvester anymore, what were the writers thinking? You’re being an enemy to comedy if you don’t utilize Jane Lynch to her fullest! Then the Madonna episdoe, sweet jesus, that was GOOD!
And as my gay friend said about American Idol this season, move on dot org! it is seriously B-O-R-I-N-G! sadness, fo’ real.
love you!

April 20, 2010   7 Comments

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Looking Good Luuuuuuu

Nature vs Nurture. A puzzling conundrum for people everywhere. Is it our genetics or our environment that shape us? Or is it a combo?

As I sit and watch the Olympics, I can’t help but ponder: are sports fans born? Or are they made? Because I find myself obsessed with Olympic Hockey and I can’t take it anymore!!!

My hockey fandom was hardly a given, despite the fact that I was born and raised here in Canada. Sure I hung around the rink as a kid. But only because I had no choice. My brother played hockey and I had to go along for the ride. But skating was never my thing. It still isn’t. Ditto for winter. And while I pretended to collect hockey cards, it was probably just to bother my brother, show him who was the boss – with the best cards.

I did go to the Saturday night games now and then. My grandfather and I, always leaving 5 minutes before the game ended, regardless of the score. That’s just the way it was. And I loved going. Not because I had to get dressed up (I did). And not because my grandfather and I shared meaningful moments (he didn’t speak). I liked those nights because of the pre-game dinner. Always a restaurant, sometimes a lobster.

So why is Team Canada making me want to hurl???

I hate sports. H.A.T.E. I’m the girl who brings a book to sporting events. Sure I watched a lot of hockey – mostly with various hockey-playing boyfriends. I’d grab my hot chocolate and feign interest, trying not to stare at the clock. I don’t get basketball – and apparently never will as my Man has banned me from going to games. What? I was bored… And football? Well, that’s an American thing. Almost a foreign language -that I have no desire to learn. That said, I did watch the Super Bowl for the first – and last? – time this year. Tennis anyone? Pas moi. Soccer? When I lived in London I found myself in a restaurant, alone, during the world cup. I was getting take out and could feel the pavement shaking when England scored. I thought it was some strange tremor. Hadn’t a clue.

But back to hockey. A few years ago I went to a game as a lark. Something to do on a Saturday night. By game’s end I’d bought a shirt and knew a handful of players. By the end of the season I knew every Leaf player. And number. I was in in in.

And then the league went on strike and I thought it was a passing fancy. A one-nighter stretched across a season. Nothing more.

I was wrong. I couldn’t shake it. Despite watching my home team lose time and time again, I held out hope. I didn’t just watch the games, I read the sports pages. I even watched the draft picks. And of course, the losses. Over and over again, the bloody losses.

And then……the Olympic circus came to town. Not my town, but to my television. And I got sucked in. Big time. And it was a revelation to be backing a winner. In their first game, my beloved Team Canada didn’t just win in, they killed it! Showed the poor Norwegians no mercy. And I loved it. What a high! What a thrill! And then….they played the Americans. And what a nightmare it was. It was during this nail-biting and ultimately gut-wrenching game that I wondered what I’d become. And how I could shake it.

I gasped. I groaned. I squirmed in my seat. None of it in a good way. My Man couldn’t take it. I was so tense I was stressing him out. I tried telling myself it was just a game. A hockey game. A bunch of mulleted, gap toothed boys skating around chasing a rubber disc with sticks. But it didn’t work. And when they did lose, I took it personally. Maybe I jinxed them by poo-pooing the importance of it all? Had I, like the team itself, taken it for granted that they’d win? You’d think I’d be used to backing the losers. But I fell for this team. And all the bloody marketing that went with it.

And so it continues. I watch the games, and then I discuss them. I read papers and teach my kids. I feel like I’m living in one of those cheesy commercials. In fact, I’ve gotten so into it, I’ve started liking those cheesy commercials!

Auf wiedersehen Deutchland. Nyet nyet Soviets. Close but no cigar Slovaks.

And now…..the Americans are coming. Coming back. And I’m trying to relax. Not get myself too worked up over the whole thing. It is after, all just a hockey game. At the very least, they’ll get a silver medal which is, in itself, pretty impressive, right? RIGHT?!

If only I believed that. If only I didn’t care. But I do. Please – let it all just end happily ever after already. So I can get back to my life or cheering for the losers. I didn’t think it’d be so hard to back a winner.

GO GOLD OR GO HOME!!!!!

1 comments:

Anonymous said…

Go barrie!!

February 25, 2010   No Comments

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Twofer

At long last, they got it right. They really truly got it right. On Idol that is…

SURPRISE!!!

What? You didn’t think I’d let the entire season slip by sans commentary, didya?

Those calls and emails keep coming in – let’s discuss idol. And I do. A lot. But I’ve had some issues.

First off, I’ve been reading some seriously funny commentary. If you haven’t already, you must check out dlisted.com and Entertainment Weekly. Their idol chatter is awesome. Hi-larious. Because it’s all true. Yes, Homer, the old adage “it’s funny ‘cuz it’s true” kicks in every time. So all the pet peeves (and pet names) are already out there. I can’t even claim to be scooped. It is what it is: Matt G’s mole… Adam as kd lang… Lil’s wigs… Anoop’s sweaty upper lip….And of course all the freaky families…. I mean, gosh – who hasn’t noticed and discussed all that, and more?

Aside from those hold outs who still refuse to tune in. You know who you are.

Anyhoo, another issue was Blind Scott. There. I said it. The whole affirmative action element of his being there stressed me out. ‘Cuz he sucked. He was Bruce Hornsby week after week after week. And for those BH fans out there, if there are any, let me add: not in a good way. Sure he was funny but hello? This…..is American Idol. Personality takes a back seat. And sometimes doesn’t even get to come for the ride. I felt I couldn’t discuss openly and honestly until poor old Scotty was given the boot. He was holding me back. Until he finally got the boot….

And still I held back.

Maybe because of Adam. The guy is so above and beyond the rest of the kids. Fat tongue aside, he kills it every time. Not only are the others not in his league – they’re not even playing the same game. The boy’s a pro. The rest, wanna-be’s. He’s Annie Lennox in drag… but not… mixed with kd lang and Elvis, add a sprinkle of Scissor Sisters. A pinch of Mr Bowie. And run the gamut of references that don’t make any sense and let you know I’m zonked. But you get my drift. I think.

As for Frat Boy Anoop Dog and Wiggy Lil – as in “Lily” (why is that so hard to get? Silly Yanks.)… now that they’re out of the picture – at last – we can focus on the rest. And for the first time evah, none of ’em really really bug me!

Which also makes it hard to care too much. Because at this point it’s all good.

Tho’ not perfect.

I still think Alexis Grace’s early boot was a crime. Remember her? The little blonde sexy sprite? She should’ve stuck around – more so than the rubbernecker and flitty chick. And I must admit – I’m bored of Hokey Gokey. One friend called him “the high school friend who you can’t get rid of” and I fear she might be right. His Robert Downey Jr looks and widower status had me at hello. But now? I’m ready to say goodbye.

Unlike Not Hot Kris. Over the past few weeks I find myself looking forward to his performances. And not just to watch those thin lips of his dance across his face – because they do y’know – but because he’s really, really good!

Like Alison Iraheta. At first I found her to be….how shall I say this….somewhat unappealing. That’s putting it mildly. She’s got a real face for radio, that one. Repeated fashion crimes, that terrible lid. Don’t get me started. I know she’s only 16 but what’s wrong with using a stylist like everybody else??? Yet that voice… Heart-esque tho it may be, it is wicked. She’s completely won me over. Which is why I can’t for the life of me understand how week after week she ends up in the trash heap. At least she climbs out.

Like my man Matt G. I don’t know why, but he’s been my main guy from the start. Yes, even from the audition shows. I think it’s because he’s a duelling pianist in real life. Love that! And the whole Vince Vaughan Timberlake thing? Can’t beat it. Sure he’s somewhat misguided when it comes to genre and song choice. And yeah, he can be a bit of a sour puss – personally I think he should get over it and let the tears flow. America loves a cryer! The judges are very hot and cold with him. But I think its’s their strategy. ‘Cuz everytime they bash him, he gets votes. And when they sing his praises, he’s a goner. Almost. The judge’s save would’ve saved whoever was out last week (timing and all – they had to use it, right? And too obvious to do it on the final day, right? ). Still, I’m glad the ass they saved was his. I’m a sucker for a pianist. All those lessons….

That said, I do think my boy Matt will be the next to bite the dust. Followed by Rouge Iraheta. And Flappy Hands Gokey. Leaving us Kris and Adam duking it out in the final. Which wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Unlike Archie Archuleta’s performance ce soir. Same earnest spit smile. Same insipid song choice. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve had no pvr….

2 comments:

Anonymous said…

I would kill for an alison adam final – but it will be Kris Allen – so boring, yet singing well. Every interpretation he “makes his own” he puts me to sleep a la John Mayer!!!!

12:12 PM

Leigh said…

Uch, oh, yuk! Adam? Kill me now. His mommy took him to the rock star store and bought him some outfits. And then she took him to her hairstylist and manicurist to top it off.

I hate his Geddy Lee impression and his entire pretend your surprised you’re doing well approach (Archuleta style).

When he’s sincere he’s way better. LIke that moment he found out he was in the bottom two. Heh.

April 22, 2009   No Comments

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I’m Up Now

Well, well, well. I stand corrected – and joyfully so. They got it right! They veered off the middle of the road and got, ahem, Cookin’!

David Cook is The American Idol. Duh – what rock have you been under??

Mouth breather out. Rocker in. 80’s icons on. Now that’s good tv. Just when you thought it was safe….It wasn’t!

I actually loved the big finale. Despite the fect that, at the exact moment Ryan uttered the magic words, “the winner is…”. Poof! (No, not Ryan…) (well, OK that too). But at that exact second -Poof! – the show ended. My PVR failed me. Again. Luckily I’ve learned from seasons of yore to record whatever’s on next. So we switched over in time to see Fartchuleta’s stage dad clapping insincerely. And that’s when I knew, it was Cook time. Thank god, on so many levels. Can you imagine the stage dad’s reactions had his dullard child won? Waaaaay OTT. And the press? Gee. Duh. Erm…

Instead we got tears. Lots of ’em. Betcha the word nerd wished he didn’t choose this night to start wearing eyeliner, huh? Obviously he went for water-proof. I knew he was a smarty! And the brotherly love. And the mom trying to get in on the spotlight. A family affair…..How lovely.

But back to the show…..Graham Nash? Lucky Brookey. Donna Summer? Lucky ladies. Syesha – way to work third sister! Her skirts get shorter and her confidence grows. It just goes to show you, she really was the best of the girlies – mainly because of the meat, but still – can you imagine the nurse? She seemed embarrassed to be there. Unlike Chickezie – love, love, love.

It was 80’s night (aside from the slew of youths that I fast forwarded). Showing my age, perhaps, but I’m about to turn 40, I can do what I like. ZZ Top, the Groover from Vancouver, Seal….yada yada yada. At the end of the day, the faux pips aside, for me it was all about George.

LOVE HIM.

All season long I’ve been wondering why they didn’t do the George Michael/Wham songbook. He’s on tour (at over 2 hun a ticket, sadly), has a new greatest hits album to promote, has been whoring himself out nicely across the small screen. The timing couldn’t be any better. And he would’ve been perfect for Cookie and the Aussie. Still, waiting ’til the end was OK. Sure he sang a slow song. With a cold (and acknowledged it, bless him and his ego). Despite his fromagerie, his lady Loren shades, and his possible plugs, he’s still awesome. And somehow reminding me of Christian Troy – anyone else getting that?

Simon apologizes. Archie loses. DC wins. And another season of Idol come to a close.

Happy endings to all, and to all a good night.

Now who’s got tickets to the Top Ten tour?

2 comments:

Anonymous said…

if you think George had acold I have some swamp land for you in Florida! He looked like a wreck – kind of Freddy Mercury although George’s issue is drugs and it shows on his person and his voice. I thought it was an imposter at one point!

Throw back night galore – loved it! ZZ TOP was the best and I think Carly and Michael should put out a duets album together a la Marvin Gaye and Diana Ross (by the way – it’s not Lawrence – it’s me!)

7:05 AM

Rayanne Langdon said…

What a solid synopsis of the final show! I didn’t realize the producers let David A’s dad back in the audience after he was given the initial boot. Heh.

May 21, 2008   No Comments

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Fix

So it was David v. David on the NOKIA stage. In the NOKIA theatre. N-O-K-I-A. Talk about product placement. Between Randy’s repeated refrain of “you could sing the phonebook” and the mention of NOKIA it was enough to make a gal wanna hurl her salad.

That and the skewering of poor David Cook. Is it just me (and my Tuesday night AI viewing cronies), or did the whole thing feel like it was, erm….fixed?

First came Carly: stack her up and shoot her down. Week after week after week. Too shrill, too loud, too fat. She didn’t stand a chance.

Then the diefication of Brooke. Somehow, that nanny could do no wrong. Oh wait, until she did. Over and over and over. Stumbling lyrics, false starts, lame dance moves. Was her longevity part of the overall plan? Part of the fix? Probably. But some things you just can’t fix, and she was a goner.

The rest of ’em kind of made their own beds. Poor Chickezie – we know his name’s Chickezie, baby! And hot Michael Johns. He was robbed. Then again, who’s gonna remember his name, fame?

Syesha came and went somehow and is probably broadway bound already. But Archuleta… Somehow that boy with the flaring ‘strils and mouth breathing grin could do no wrong…

Despite butchering Stevie. Despite the fact that his performances felt longer than singing the bloody phonebook. Despite the closed eyes and incessant trills…Despite it all the judges couldn’t hold back from swooning.

Personally, I could barely hold back from snoring.

Sure he’s only 17 but he’s been on star search, junior idol and probably more talent contests than he’d care to admit. The guy’s a seasoned pro, complete with stage dad. And yet…where on earth is his personality? Erm….aaahh….gee…shucks….thank you….

Wake me when his career fizzles, will ya?

But back to tonight….Mr Cook’s swan song. Tonight, poor David Cook was well and truly, to use the judges’ own cheesy boxing metaphor: KO’d. And to me it sounded plain old mean. How could they be so blatant? So obvious? That’s not good tv!!! Tho’ the tearing up post song 3 certainly was (and should be good for a couple million votes at least). Perhaps he’s too much of an independent type for 19 Productions. Maybe the band he should be fronting is waiting in the wings to show up his predecessor and also-loser, Daughtry. Hmmmm….Chris Daughtry / Taylor Hicks. Who’s the real loser? Sorry Silver Fox, but who are you again?

I was pissed at my man Simon tonight. I know AI is about as far from the edge as you can get, but still….To soooooooo wholeheartedly embrace the Middle of the Road, the morning office FM station, the Diva Ballad Covers as Sung By set that is Earny Archuleta was agonizing. Is it any wonder that the Idol numbers are down? Higher than the other shows, to be sure, but down over all. It’s the Archuletas. The balladeers gone wrong.

So when Archie wins tomorrow, get ready for a confetti filled, heart (and stomach) wrenching version of That Cheesey Song. (which didn’t sound unlike some gone-wrong, butchered version of an Indigo Girls tune; or a folksy harmonizer gone savage). The youngest youngsters and oldest oldies’ll be screaming their tits off. While the rest of us will sadly cheer for the Word Nerd as we wait to hear about – and complain about – his first single.

Goodbye Combover Cook. Hello rock star.

And Fartchuleta? Wake me when he’s over….

3 comments:

Anonymous said…

you said it all.

12:27 AM

Anonymous said…

The only people left out there buying music in droves are little girls and their parents and they are buying MOTR! So, Idol the business, needs to have another hit and not more and more Silver Foxes and the attempted resucitation of Reuben’s career. With Archie, they will have the sales – with David Lee Cook – it will be only MOTR alternative stations – but still alternative. Read, less sales.

Regarding last night – Clive Davis gave Archie the show stopper. No one can compete with the manipulative Don’t let the Sun Go down on Me (even though I love it)especially one of the least inspired U2 songs. UNFAIR! But David, where was your game? Why were you so straight up. Song choice Song Choice – the next two – what the hell was he thinking? I think he was just trying to cement his record contract and was not there to win it. He knows it is all about the Archies and Carrie Underwoods. YUCK!!!!!

8:38 AM

Leigh said…

Couldn’t agree more. Hate that Archie kid. He looks like he went to the “how to look surprised when they say nice things” school of sappy singers.

The only thing that keeps me going is ‘so you think you can dance’ is right around the corner. 🙂

May 20, 2008   No Comments

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No Flies On Us

Irish eyes are not smiling. Carly’s gone and I didn’t even acknowledge. I know, I know…I’m terrible, Muriel. Believe me, I was as shocked as the next guy. But my shock wasn’t Idol’s white trash teenage fan base. Hell no. The minute she belted out those two magic words, “Jesus” and “Christ”, she was a goner.

But whatever. This is not an I-can’t-believe-it Idol post. I couldn’t take in Carly’s untimely departure because I was still reeling from the news that my house was infested with sewer flies and I’d need to rip up my basement floors.

S-E-W-E-R flies. Uh-huh. Exactly what you think they are. Flies. That breed in sewers. IN MY HOUSE.

Did I mention we’ve lived here all of 8 months?

Way back in the halcyon days of new housedom, there were these flies that would flit around and then pop-off after 24 hours of hurling themselves against our screens. We figured they were fruit flies. Except they had no interest in fruit. Hmmmm…..Strange. A quick call to an exterminator and we decided to heed their advice and wait until after the winter to investigate further. Maybe they’d just die off and never return.

Or maybe not.

After an insanely long and drawn out winter from hell, we welcomed April’s (global warming) warmth….And The Return of The Flies. Pest control was called. And 45 seconds and $65 dollars later told me we had sewer flies. Also called drain moths, I learned that these non-biting, bacteria carriers are flies that breed in standing sewage. And then I learned that said sewage was, in all likelihood, standing under my dreamhouse.

Next stop: plumber.

I have to say, of all the housing trades, I do like a plumber. Contractors are cocky and I hate being at their mercy. Electricians are a bit odd. Some of them even more than a bit. And gardners, well, it’s all such a cliche. Between the gardner, the poolboy, and any other scantilly clad maintenance man, you’d think every one of your neighbours is the next Lady Chatterly. But not plumbers.

So far, I haven’t met a plumber I haven’t liked. They all seem to be nice, funny, smart. And plumber butt? A total myth. Only plumber butts I see come with low-cut designer jeans attached to ’em. Anyhoo, I’ve recently learned that plumbers are also the highest paid of the trades. I guess they deserve to be, dealing with other peoples’ shit for a living. And with these prices, they’d better be charming.

Anyhoo, Mike the plumber shows up to save my house. And hopefully, my sanity. SEWER FLIES. Hello? What could be grosser?

First came the residential colonscopy. Exatcly what it sounds like: the camera snake. Drain cam – down the drains and through the house. If your lucky. If you’re me, it’s drain cam down the drains, through the house, under oceans of sludge, and, finally, The Wall. No, not stones or bricks or mortar. A wall of “material”. “Debris”. Somethin’ sticky. And vile.

Next stop: The Drainworks A Team.

They emerged from their trucks like Smith from the Matrix – only instead of black-suited, slick and trim, they were blue-t-shirted, bald and enormous. And they proceeded to rip up my floors, digging trenches in hopes of finding The Blockage. And then they struck gold. Black gold. A geyser. And not in a good way.

I wasn’t home when it happened. Thank god. My delicate constitution would’ve failed me for sure. It had these burly he-men running for cover. And frsh air. ‘Cuz 7000 uninsured dollars and thousands of flies later, when they finally found the culprit, my house was a no go zone. You could smell it down the street. My castle had become the pit of hell, with more than a hint of Dead Sea stink. Only difference being there were no anti-aging benefits to the sulphuric soil they removed by the bagfull.

Before you rush into the shower, let me reassure you (and myself): There is a silver lining. Ish. We get new basement floors. And apparently that part of this unwanted reno is covered by insurance. And I found an awesome plumber – Mike and Drainworks if anyone’s interested. And next week is Neil Diamond week on Idol, so all is not lost…

You’ll forgive me if I didn’t give Carly her due. I was up to my eyes in flies.

4 comments:

Anonymous said…

It’s all about Neil! IT’s as if the Idol Gods had been reading my inner thoughts. I want to comment on the plumber but I don’t have much to say except thanks for the tip. I so far can never get a plumber when I need one

5:30 PM

Anonymous said…

what a way you have with the gab baby

12:06 AM

Leigh said…

“residential colonoscopy”

…..You should definitely consider a career in advertising copy. 🙂

8:55 PM

Anonymous said…

“Mike the Plumber” – what are you, Susan from Desperate Housewives?

April 26, 2008   No Comments

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Ell-eeee-oooooohhhh-t

OK, I’ll admit it: Idol, I am still into you.

Last night I was still on the edge. Mariah Carey? Could it get any worse? Uh, yeah, the Idols actually having to sing Mariah Carey songs. And us having to watch. As one sage put it: “this is the side of pop I cannot stand”. Brutal. Hideous. And yet, like some sort of train wreck….I had to watch. Did I cringe? Yes. Did it make me a little uncomfortable? Uh – a lot. Loved the luau that was JayJay Castro. And David Cook rocked my world, as he always does (despite what some folks call his Hootie Voice).

Overall, however, it was a snore. I don’t get Mimi. I really don’t. All’s I knew was the hotness had left the building. And it showed.

And then, tonight: redemption. Not just because, at long last, Kristy Lee was (ahem) cooked. Thank heavens for small mercies, as her fan base might say. And not just because the bottom three were the right bottom three. And definitely not because Carly said what we all think – Simon really is hardest on her. She’s bringing the A and he wants the A+. I feel badly for her.

But whatev. Tonight, it was all about Elliot Yamin.

LOVE. HIM.

Always have, always will. New teeth, new look, new song. That voice! Awesome. And god bless him and his long silk scarf. I’ll bet there were piano keys on the other side. Tonight, he wore his velvet blazer with panache, pulling off what it would take a much taller man to do. And then, the piece de resistance – the palm sign. This is obviously the latest and greatest of shout-outs. “We miss you mom”!?!?!?! Who’s we? And when did his mother die? Mere days ago? And here he is, performing and acknowledging and looking to the ceiling….I mean, heavenward… Now THAT’s good tv.

Sure, I wondered what a nice Jewish boy like Yaminsky was doing performing so soon. Doesn’t he sit shiva? Was it really just days ago? Maybe he’s a three-day mourner… I was a little surprised. And yet….he made me cry. As always. And I waited for him to well up too – as always – but it didn’t happen. Maybe his tears mirrored his beloved mama, kvelling from the front row. Maybe, now that she’s history, he’s getting tougher. He’s money, baby. No more tears.

Nah…No chance….No matter how much dental work, how shaggy his hair gets, and how cool for school he becomes, he’s still the Elliot the Underdog. And he gets my vote everytime.

Not that it counts….

1 comments:

Anonymous said…

Thank the lord that Kristy Lee is good. Maybe Jesus really was listening!

April 16, 2008   No Comments

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The Break Up

Did you see the shock on his face? How he practically had to blink back tears? How he brushed off Carly’s are-you-ok concern? Didja? Didja? Huh? Huh?

It was a bloodbath. A travesty. A real shocker. The booting of Michael Johns. Hot Idol, R.I.P.

Dev-ah-station.

And didja see when Ryan mentioned how they let the loser live last year – in the spirit of charity and Idol giving back and all? And he had that hopeful look for a second? And then…And then he whipped the rug out from under him? N-a-s-t-y.

Now that’s good tv.

But really…was it?

Coulda been. Shoulda been. But wasn’t. Not for me. ‘Cuz I suddenly find myself not giving a rat’s ass. Even about the contestants I thought I liked. Am I emotionally invested in any of these cats? Not a one; nay nay nay.

At this point I’m sick of Earnest Archuleta and his lip-licking ways. And Brooke with her knowing nods and sad smiles. I’ve grown to like Carly, furrowed brow and all. And of course the Crossword Combover is my new fave. But at the end of the day, do I care? Syesha the weak, Kristy Lee Snore, Stoner Boy Dread….

As a wise young virgin once said: “that’s it?”

Seems to be. The publicity machine is spinning its wheels (see: return of idols of yesteryear). They’ve raised a fortune for charity (good for them). And for themselves (that’s showbiz). All the power to all the people. But between the butchering of the Beatles and this evening’s hideous Ode to Jesus, it’s all become a little insufferable. I even found myself stalling for time before turning on and tuning in.

Where are the Elton John days? Stevie Wonder weeks? I thought Barry Manilow would be an annual thing. Wha happened? Sing, sing, sing: doesn’t anybody promote themselves anymore?

Is it just me? Has anybody else lost that lovin’ feeling for this no-longer-must-see tv? I really believed I was in it for the long haul. But I’m not so sure. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll still PVR. I’ll still watch. I’ll still have the post mortem chats – for all of 2 minutes. It’ll be fun while it lasts.

I never thought I’d say this, but….American Idol, I’m just not that into you.

Posted by Mother of all Mavens at 11:12 PM

2 comments:

Anonymous said…

I think you are in a state of denial. You actually love Idol and just can’t deal with the fact that they actually lost someone interesting and kept the same olds – Kristy, Syesha. This year has been filled with uber talent – I am psyched that there are people I would listen to and go and see the top 10 conecrt tour. Loser? Yes, maybe, but this is the first year I ever said that. The problem is religion in American. They are so afraid of the change to the society that when someone trots out a song about Jesus or America (read, Jesus) they get everyone in the bloody country voting. I hope Michael Johns has a career – he is great even if not the strongest singer. Aussies tend to keep their faith private – as does the rest of the owrld. Had he only sang Go tell it on the Mountain he would probably still be in competition.

8:59 AM

Anonymous said…

What are you gonna do– watch CANADIAN IDOL instead? I think not. You’re hooked MOAM. Just give in.

April 10, 2008   No Comments

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