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The Rock Report

Lu-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-kas!

From Hooters to Hero, our local boy has been crowned king. Yep, the Rossi Posse is celebrating as their victory. Lukas Rossi… Superstar of Supernova. It’s all very exciting.

Or is it?

Of course I’m pumped that he won. He and Stormy were my faves and god knows it was never gonna be Ms Large in charge. Go, Lukas, go. The pursed lips, the strut, the voice – what more could a girl ask?

She could ask for ABD. She could cross her fingers or clench her fists and hope against hope. ABD. ABD. ABD.

Anyone But Dilana.

Hurray! Mama troll was sent packing… into the recording studio with Dave and Gilby to prep for the tour she’ll open. Hell, that’s not so bad. In some ways, it’s even better. Mind you, where are those guys from Rockstar INXS? Besides delivering Honda Elements to non-winners and flogging their soon-to-be-released albums. See? The Survivor curse strikes again. If you win the car, you lose the game.

But alas, I’m surprised. I really thought Tobes would win. Not because he was that awesome. And not because he was that talented. And not because he got the girls goin’. Au contraire…he was “Evs”. But I think the band is too. Thus, a perfect fit. Oh-oh-oh-oh.oh.oh meets a hey-hey-hey. But obviously these boys knew a true talent when they saw one, so Mr Rand heads back to Oz. Dilana screams her way cross country, and the rest is history in the making….

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s face it: when it’s over, it’s over.

Every week, we discussed Rockstar – who’s in, who’s out, who should be in or out. And now it’s done. And who really cares? Aaaah… the fleeting nature of stardom. I didn’t even mention the surprise appearance by Earnie Ernesto Star. Nor the ousting of Magni.

Who? What? When?

Oh. And I forgot something else. Maybe the reason I’m all blase this morning has less to do with Dave and the boys and more to do with someone named Roger. Roger with an “s”. And that bloody PVR that let me down…again!

Honestly, a girl goes out to stalk her movie star boyfriend and returns to find a half-taped reality show. A half-taped reality show FINALE! Was it the PVR? Was it the network? Was it a sign? It couldn’t be the Universe’s way of telling me to get a life, ‘cuz the PVR lets me have a life and watch one too. Harumph.

BUT, again, who cares? Who’ll remember any of these rockers next year? Or next week? Maybe they could do a special where are they now…I’ll be sure to PVR it. Because when –if– I think back to this season of Rockstar, I just might remember the winner and losers. But I’ll never forget how my PVR betrayed me. Again.

PVR. Can’t live with it, can’t cancel it.

3 comments:

Anonymous said…

Don’t blame the PVR– it was Global. Not that I watch “Rock Star: Formerly-Known-As-Supernova”, but my sister, who is hooked, called in a panic because Global screwed up the broadcast and would I please set my PVR a-whirring on the west coast feed (ah, the joys of timeshifting). As for the PVR-snafus you blog of; Someone should probably read the PVR manual BEFORE continuing to disparage my best friend!

9:49 AM

Mother of all Mavens said…

It WAS Global. Damn you, Global! But how could I not blame PVR. Once a cheater… As for the manual – wait, there’s a manual? That’s what my Man is for.

2:24 PM

Anonymous said…

PVRs mess up – it’s as simpleas that. Interface, disasterous – but it’s our only hope ObiOne.

As far as Rock Star goes, Toby matches better, but Lukas is the bomb. Although, I predict he will be dead in 2 years. Not metaphorically either. His life is too much of a mess and he’s already an alcholic – I think that was made clear on the show. Is head-spinning parents will come hunting for his cash and he will afll apart. I hope I am wrong, but hey, I picked him and JD the first weeks!

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September 14, 2006   No Comments

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Another Rock Report

What the what is ladylike?

It’s Ms Susie Large’s exit…

Sadly, Dilana…she’s not a goner…Just wishful thinking on my part. Instead, the Troll remains while Stormy goes home. I for one am saddened and disappointed by the expulsion of my crusher girl. The clockwork orange hat crime aside, she made such a comeback! Or so we (I) thought. The Suffragette City/Orig combo? Don’t tell me she didn’t work the stage like a pro. And by pro, I mean Pro. Around-a-pole, pay-for-it Pro. But ’twas not to be. Even Touchy-Feely Newsted’s tears couldn’t save her, so she’s gone to sleep in her own bed.

Personally, I think she should be sharing it with a certain Mr. Navarro. Good chemistry, no? And a whole other reality show in the making. Bye bye Stormy, so sad to see you go.

So who’s it gonna be? Will it be Magni? Dependable, boring, stif-on-stage Magni? Doubt it.

Dilana? Noooooo. How they gave her a standing O last night is beyond me. Yes she got the crowd all riled up, but at one point I wasn’t sure if she was standing or sitting, and that just ain’t right. And it’s not front (wo)man material either. Then again, what do I know? I doubt I’d be a Supernova fan anyway.

I am however, a fan of Lukas. Yep, a full-fledged member of the Rossi Possy. But dontcha think he’s better suited on Rockstar: Radionhead? The guy’s too intense for this group. And if he does win, I think JayJay New(age)sted might find himself too distracted and involved in the analysis of Lucky Lou….

One more thing. A stolen observation. Celeb reference of the day: Rockstar Supernova’s Lukas Rossi…and Ron Howard’s creepy character actor brother.

And then there’s the frontrunner. The fun guy. The guy’s guy. The guy who, according to one TV critic, makes the blond girls scream. To me he’s just a fun-lovin’, beer-drinkin’ mimic. Evs indeed. But to the boys in the band he’s a superstar:

To-oh-oh-oh-oh-by.

But hold off placing your bets. Remember The Survivor Curse? Y’know, on Mark Burnett’s other reality show the cat who wins the car never, ever, ever wins the big prize. So I hope for Toby’s sake that this ain’t the case. Especially that car. A Honda Element? That’s a rockstar car? A student rockstar maybe.

It’s the final countdown. Na na na na and all that. And when our rockin’ prince(ss) is crowned we’ll have to make some important decisions. To buy or not to buy tix for the Snoozernova tour, whether the added bonus of the House Band and Shirtless Dave opening makes it all worhtwhile, and of course, the biggest question of all: what to watch now?

6 comments:

Anonymous said…

What to watch now??? Puh-leeze. We’re in the new golden age of television. Not that the new season has really dawned yet, with its various House/Lost/24 rip-offs, but there is hope on the horizon for WRITTEN television. But c’mon, once the Supernova burns as it crashes into the earth’s atmosphere you know you’ll be watching… “You’re The One That We Want”!!! The new talent search for the Broadway leads in Grease? You’re so there. And so am I, even though I’m an avowed non-viewer of reality/talent search TV. In the meantime, season 2 of WEEDS just started. Don’t bogart that remote!

10:49 AM

Anonymous said…

Oh Lawrence – it’s so easy to tell it’s you! What to watch – Nip/Tuck my dove on the 14th!!!!

Lukas does not look like Opie Cunningham’s bro whatsoever. My sister said Hawksley Workman – I agree. And Toby, well, he will win because he will pull for the boys and they’ll get his sloppy seconds. Although frat boy Toby seems to have some morals. On two separate occassions he has mentioned that the girls were way to young for him. Can it last when he is travelling with a band with the collective IQ of 70? I think he may be pulling a true rock star and screwing a 14 year old in about 5 months. Then we will know he has arrived.

1:36 PM

Anonymous said…

Chad

4:15 PM

Anonymous said…

Chad

4:15 PM

Anonymous said…

Nip/Tuck… I must protest. It’s the Jerry Maguire of television– successful men of a certain age whining about the mess they’ve made of their lives: weej weej sweetie darling. The big question on Nip/Tuck should be how Michael Jackson has flown under the radar for so long playing the son. I’m not buying it. By the way, who’s this Lawrence guy you speak of?

12:08 PM

Mother of all Mavens said…

OK. To address the comments. I meant what to watch as we’re spoilt for choice. Tho’ it always SEEMS that way in Sept. Lawrence is a tv guru. Nip/Talk begins Sept 23rd in Canada. The son is completely Wacko Jacko. ANd obviously, “anonymous” doesn’t appreciate that there aren’t merely whingey grown ups. It’s Christian. And the other guy.

September 6, 2006   No Comments

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The Rock Report

The heady days of summer are winding down. And with them the dreaded summer TV shows. Summer TV is Dead! Long live Summer TV! Entourage may be done, but Rockstar Supernova is alive and kicking! For a couple more weeks anyway.

That’s right readers, you’ve begged, you’ve pleaded, you’ve given me ideas I can use as my own… So now, with a mere 5 rockers left, I present you with: The Rock Report.

WAIT!!

Before I go there, I gotta know: is anybody under 50 watching Celebrity Duets? Aside from me? What?! It’s summer TV. It’s cheesy TV. It’s face-lift central. And it’s completely hilarious. In a B/C-list kinda way. Marie Osmond’s a judge! And she told someone he was too white! Little Richard’s a judge tooo! And he told someone she was so good that, and I quote, “My big toe just went through my boot”. And Cheech is on it. And Kenny Loggins will be appearing. What more do you need?

OK back to the rockers. Look, for better or worse, it’s no Idol. But I’m completely addicted. Confession: I didn’t tune into last year’s INXS version. I wanted to, swear! But my Man banned all reality shows from our summer schedule and I complied. Meanwhile, he secretly tuned in and loved it. So this year, after much cajolling from my fellow TV hounds ‘n whores, I jumped on the bandwagon. And I’m in in in!

And now that Art School Confidential is no longer a dark horse; now that he’s taken his faux-tense stare and gone back to NY with a less-than-gracious “see you on the charts” as his parting words; now that all that and the lame-ass, ain’t no-Roger-Daltry-mic-swinging has finally stopped; now,at last, we can concentrate on the final five.

Generous thanks must go out to my gal who has been a source of all things Supernova since the show began. Hucking me to watch, berating me for missing last year’s, and providing me with ammo, lingo, and astute opinions.

Let’s start with Magni, the white Will Smith. What? You don’t see it? Look again. Strange cross-cultural refs aside, here’s what you need to know about Magni: he’s the solid guy. The nice guy. The family man. Sure, he’s good. But he’s a bit of a bore, no? And can the boys in the band mold him into their own little walking, talking puppet?

….like Toby? Evs from Oz is a total keener. And, from the looks of it, relies on his mimicry to get by. And yet…the dudes LOVE him? Why why why? The laddish lout makes a big song and dance about being the go-to-party-card. Is this a good thing? Or will it blow up in his face?

…Like Dilana’s cockyness? Personally, I see little difference betwen this very dirty girl (literally, dirty. Somebody wash her.) and those little trolls that go on top of pencils. The ones with the neon pink hair… That’s Dilana. A talent, to be sure. But such a screamer! So unappealing. And may I steal a certain someone’s twist on T.Lee’s words? ‘Cuz I’m going to: Dilana, I don’t wanna!

…Storm’s another story altogether. I think I have a bit of a straight girl crush on her. OK, I know I do. She’s got the pipes, she’s got the looks, she’s got the moves. And she’s so so so not right for them. But I love her. So she should live and be well and make it ’til the end. Even tho’ I know she won’t.

…Unlike Lukas! Yep, our local boy is really the bomb. Talk about stage presence. The boy can blow (not that way dirtbags) and he’s pretty incredible. But after watching him with the band last night, I gotta say, I think he’s too good for them. I do! So I kinda hope he’s there til the end so we can watch him strut his stuff, but that he doesn’t win, if for no other reason than this: he can do better.

I know, I know, they’re the big shot rockstars. Whatever. He’s a kid. Untapped. Rarin’ to go. And the Supernova Sound…is it just me, or is that the worst part of the elimination show? With a hey hey hey and a ho ho ho? Umm, yeah ok guys, reeeeeally scary intense rock there. Whatev.

It’s not too late to hop on board and tune in. Really, if you haven’t already, you should. Not just to see Tommy Lee being an ass. Not just to hear Jason Newstead pay forward his own therapy sessions. Not just to realize that Gilby Clark, whoever the hell he is, looks like Val Kilmer and that, with some strategic scrubbing, he might be kind of attractive. And not just to see for yourself if I’m right in saying that Dave Navarro looks like Prince. No, you should tune in because Rockstar Supernova, well, rocks.

And it’s on thrice weekly.

Yep, Mondays at the Manse. Tuesdays they perform. And Wednesday’s child goes home.

Look, the fall lineup is still a few more weeks away, so why the hell not?

3 comments:

Anonymous said…

Noty just because I am the friend withthe shout out – but this is my favourit motha’ of all!!! I was howling as was my Rockstar husband. Good point about Lukas – now if he could just get his own band and have Zayra open! Dream come true!

10:26 PM

mike said…

U R one funny broad.

9:29 AM

Anonymous said…

Gilby was a Guns ‘n Roses Guitarist. And Supernova are incredible. Whoever they pick will rock the house down.

August 31, 2006   No Comments

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