We’ll Always Have Paris. Or Whoever…

And then there were four.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wake me when it’s over.

Is it just me, or is American Idol’s result show getting more boring? Last week, as y’all know, I missed it due to technical difficulties. Turns out I was even luckier than I thought, ‘cuz last night was a yawn-fest. A bore. A drag. It was American Midol – a real pain, may cause drowsiness.

I’ll admit it: I find the faux-mercial amusing. I do. But the group-hug gospel song? Ernie Earnesto, you’ve gone too far! I’d much prefer aging rockers and middle aged balladeers any day of the week. OK, not any day, but for sure on Wednesdays.

My theory goes something like this: when the duds get dumped, the show gets dull. Think about it. We tune in to make sure the good ones don’t get away. Without at least one lame-o to root against, the show’s a snooze. Remember the “3 divas” from two seasons ago? Each one more spectacular than the next? Two get booted and the country’s in an uproar. The third and most talented is left with a redheaded crooner from hell, a sap with a flower in her hair and a couple of forgettables. “Racists!” charged Sir Elton. “Loser American voters” said I. We sat at the edge of our seats as the competition got too close for comfort. Vindication and relief came when Fantasia won.

Last year, it was the opposite – one talent amid a sea of mediocrity. But it still made for good TV. That is until Constantine got ousted and, horror of horrors, we were stuck with a little bit country and a little bit rock ‘n roll. And Fat Felon Scott. Suddenly the show, well, sucked. Without Connie making love to the camera, there was no one left to root for. Sure, we still had Simon Says, but mostly we tuned in because we’d already committed. More might-see than must-see TV.

This year is a little different in that the remaining contestants are all good. And that’s what’s making the show, well, less good. There’s no one left to really hate – so no outrage when a lesser talent wins out. The anti-idol website votefortheworst.com is now backing Taylor. Yeah, I checked. I actually like the Silver Fox. Sure, he’s a bit of a dad, maybe George Clooney’s dad, but his Ray Charles-isms and chunky dancing crack me up. If he beats out a more talented Chris, who cares?

Ditto Elliott the underdog. He’s always had my vote, though I’m kinda surprised he’s still kicking around. Call it the pity vote. Despite that Stevie Wondery voice of his, he’s far more radio than TV. Growing his hair has helped, but he’s got a ways to go. I even discussed it with my oral hygienist and she agreed: the guy’s a dental surgeon’s wet dream. Now that he’s famous now, the dream’ll come true. (American Dental anyone?)

I’m betting on Rockin’ Chris and Pipes McPheever for the final two. Sure, her Sally Field “you really like me” smile is getting tired, and he’s as serious as a heart attack, but they’re young, hot and talented. No outrage, scandals, or secret criminal pasts. Just clean family fun.

And the talk round the water cooler? It won’t be about American Idol. All we’ll be left with is one burning question: when is Nip/Tuck coming back? Now that’s entertainment worth talking about!