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Posts from — April 2012

50 SHADES OF PORN-PLAY

50 Shades of Grey. 50 Shades Darker. 50 Shades Freed.

Read, read, read – doesn’t anybody f&ck anymore?

That’s right, I’m talking about the 50 Shades phenom. The mommy-porn that’s sweeping the nation(s). If you’re underage, or male, or dense, you may not have heard about it. But if you’re a hot-blooded mama, you most certainly have. Or will. I whizzed through all 3 books in just over a week. And not because of their brilliance. I was a reluctant reader, but after so many reco’s I needed to know what the fuss was about. I took a look and didn’t much like what I saw.

At first.

They’re terribly written. And most characters are kind of hateful/annoying. I didn’t get it. In fact, I was downright snooty about the whole thing, condemning the trilogy to the annals of pure trash. I figured it was “Harlequin in Handcuffs” for those not gettin’ any. And then around page 200 or so something happened…

Could it have been the Silver Balls??

Surprise!!

This post is neither about the books, nor what happens to anyone in them. It’s about the toys. And no, pervs, I don’t own them all, have not tried them all, and don’t plan on some crazy sexy splurge. Then again, it may not be a coincidence I’m writing this post a couple of weeks before Mother’s Day. And now, without further ado: not-even-close-to-50 fun playthings to tickle your fancy – and whoever else’s you may be tickling!!

1. Silver Balls.

Ben Wa Balls

2, 3, 4. Lelo – Liv, Lily, and Mia

Meet the girls:

Liv

Lily

Mia

These are not your old-skool dildos. One lady I know for whom “dating” is merely a euphemism told me she no longer bothers making plans, preferring to stay in with her new besties, the Lelo sisters….

5. The Wild Orchid

A downtown sex shop in Toronto calls this baby the G-Spot whisperer….Apparently finds it everytime…

Wild orchid

6. High End Restraining Arts Kit

Everything you need. Adjustable. Comfy. Pretty.

Cuffs and Straps and Paddles. Oh My!

7. Tape

If the whole kit is too much, try some tape. It may not always work, but it gets the juices – creative and otherwise – flowing….

No Scotch Tape here....

8. Massage Oil Candle

Kind of self-explanatory. Light. Melt. Drizzle. Enjoy.

Exactly what you think it is...

9. Subtle Vibe

It’s a pen! It’s a bullet! It’s a necklace! Oh no wait….pull it apart… it’s just a damn good time…

Cigar Pocket Vibrator....Smokin'

10. Lelo Tiani

Major Swedish lifestyle companies: Volvo, Ikea and…Lelo?! This baby comes with a remote control. For yourself – or others – to handle. Surprise!!

Tiani and remote

11. The Butterfly
Could this strap-on be the reason for so many happy travelers? And flight attendants?

Stewardesses' Secret

This is, obviously, merely the tip of the sexual iceberg. The list is endless, giving the term “Mother’s Little Helper” a whole new meaning!!! For every foot fetish and paddle humper there’s someone just itching to lay their hands on a riding crop. Or a leather collar. Or any assortment of trippy accoutrements. For more ideas, check out Kiki De Montparnasse. Or any sexy-times site. We all know the world wide web is full of ’em. Happy Browsing! And Happy (extra early) Mother’s Day – or any day!

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April 25, 2012   1 Comment

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Hopgood Burgers Priest

Two hotspot restaurants. Both offering up comfort food. Both hailing from the East. One from the far-off coast of Nova Scotia. The other from the wilds of Leslieville. Yep, we’ve been eating well….At Hopgoods Foodliner and Burgers Priest. Terrible non sequitur. Terrific eats.

BURGERS PRIEST

First off, we head east to Burgers Priest. But not all the way east. The iconic burger joint, recently ranked third best resto in TO by Zagat’s, has opened a spot on Yonge between Lawrence and Wilson. There’s a bit of a backlash of course, with claims that the new location isn’t as tasty or friendly as the first but whatev. I’m a bit late to the meat patty party and I just wanted to see what the dealio was. In the battle of the burger, this is the King. The spot with the secret alterna-menu. The one that has burger lovers lined up out the door, down the street and around the block. The real question is: is it worth the hype?

HELL YEAH! Especially if someone else does the picking up. I was blessed with a meat-lovin’ man whose absolute pleasure it was to head over to Burgers Priest and bring home the bacon (-double cheeseburger). With a couple of extra burgers on the side, no less. We mowed our way through the aforementioned classic with all the fixin’s. Yes, it was that good. Bacon was perfectly crisp, tomato slice tasted like a tomato. And were those Vidalia onions? Because they were sweet and crisp and delicious. Next up, “The Priest”. Picture two portobello mushroom caps with a whack of cheese. Now drop it into the deep fryer. YUM! This is the Official Vegetarian Option. They call it…The Option. We took that Option and raised it – atop a real beef patty. Oh yes we did. Veggie/real deal combo. Slide some panko-crusted deep-fried jalapeno peppers underneath and we found our winner! As an added extra, we also sampled “Jarge Style” per their suggestions. This was a burger fried in yellow mustard and topped with fried onions. That sucker put us over the edge. A bit of a lingerer, that final burger was not needed for so many reasons (and calories and fat grams). But now we know for next time. And despite the major meat hangover, there will absolutely be a next time. We failed to taste the piece de resistance of the secret menu: “Vatican Style”. Or perhaps “Tower of Babel”. Every website has a different name. Either way, they’ve replaced the bun with….grilled cheese buns!! Top and bottom. Disgusting? Delicious!

Pictures don’t do these meat parties…I mean patties…justice. Nor does this:

Out. Of. Control.

These are the homemade candy bar desserts at Hopgood’s. One is a maple square. The other, some kind of ridiculous fudge/rice crispie combo slice of heaven. Beautifully wrapped up. Could’ve had several. Then again, my compadres and I had tried almost everything. Marinated lemony halibut. Oysters. Smoked mackerel on homemade oatcakes. And even – gasp – lamb heart tartar. Full confession: loved the surf. Not the turf. I’m not a huge tartar fan at the best of times. But lamb? heart? Too lamby. Too organ-y. I tried to be adventurous. And failed. Tho’ the dehydrated cream bits – which sounds vile – were delicious. Like little morsels of dried ice cream or something. The others liked it.

Heart of Lamb. The toasties were tasty....

All this was followed by a seared tuna in/on seaweed broth – divine. Scallops were ordered because the mashed potato balls on the side sounded too good to resist. The creamy kale was fantastic. Best of all, however, was the steak ‘n shrimp. We were warned that it wasn’t a steak per se, but more like brisket. Call it what you will – it was sublime. Definitely the winner of the night.

Room was plain -and packed. Great vibe. Great food. Great staff. They’ve clearly drunk the Hopgood KoolAid. They were as excited about each plate as we were. In some cases, more so! They didn’t serve coffee, as they were trying to keep the party going. They did, however, bring us some kind of milk liquor which was a creamy, dreamy dessert of a drink.

The big debate was whether or not Hopgood’s was a 10. Perhaps not, but it was pretty damn close. The place was packed with happy diners, tho’ no line out the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it-door. Not yet….

April 10, 2012   1 Comment

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